11-11 I love you…I hate you

Life may not allow us to fan the flames, but the ember of what we share will always remain and can’t be extinguished.  If you ever feel lost or need me just close your eyes and in the darkness you will see the glow of the ember in my heart and like a beacon it will guide you to me.


You will always live on in my heart and mind.  Besos.

-Hands of My Father-

Feeling used
But I’m
Still missing you
And I can’t
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can’t seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I think of you
Realize how much I need you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don’t want to, but I can’t put
Nobody else aboveyou
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
I miss you when I can’t sleep                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I miss you in my dreams
Or right when I can’t eat
I miss you in my front seat
Do you miss me like I miss you?
I’m always tired but never of you
If you wanted me you would just say so but you don’t and i can’t let go.
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
Lie to me again, lie with me again, get your fix.
I know that I control my thoughts, and I should stop reminiscing
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
My mind and heart repeat
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love
How is it you will never notice
That you are slowly killing me
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
No one will ever be you.

I really hate that I still love you, it is something I just can’t escape.  At times it is like living in my own hell.  I am tormented, suffer and hurt; I wished you felt the same and are haunted too.  I need an excorcism to excise these demons, or at least a good gypsie of my own.

As more time passes I find that love fades and I hate you even more.  May you hurt as I do almost each day.  My mind is like a house with doors and windows I may never be able to close.  Memories of you drift in and out with no control or regard, no windows to close or doors to slam shut.

the muse, or a ticking clock

House of Heart

I  anticipated it for awhile.  I recall the wisdom of Aunt Belle,

If  one  hears  the ticking of a clock and there is nothing there it is a bad omen.

Where would I be if not for Aunt Belle and those  portents of good and evil?

Listening intently,  only the chirp of crickets broke the night or buzz of bees

stirred the languid days.

When I was not listening I heard the ticking.

Little muse, you filled your pockets with stones of blue and waded into the river.

Jeff Jones

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She was…

She read more than she loved.  Her taste in music told me more about her than she could ever say in words, words that told me how lonely she was.  I loved how she smiled and laughed at my jokes.  How she would glare when she was angry.  I desperately wanted to understand her, I wanted to read every book she ever read hoping that would help me understand her further.  When I met her she could not see the stars in her eyes or the beauty of her and how her smile could light up a room and brighten someones day.  If she was a book, it is one I would love to hold, caress its pages and never want to put down.








Can you tell the difference…



The internet where habitual liars can go and pretend to tell the truth.  But can you tell the difference between the truth or a lie? Or a hero and a villain?





I am terrified…


How could I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace?
When I stand here taking every breath with you,
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How could you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave?
‘Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
Well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face,

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

-Phil Collins-



Purple Rain…


I was out earlier than normal today.  The heat of the scorching summer has waned for a few days as we got our first treat of fall like weather.  the sun was rising to my left as I drove and it was a beautiful sunrise.  brilliant oranges, yellow and purple.  As I drove what felt like mindlessly Purple Rain by Prince came on the air.  In the silence filled only by the music, sight, lyrics and my thoughts I felt melancholy.  The song took me back to different thoughts and places.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you
Laughing in the purple rain

I found myself thinking about someone I miss.  Strange how it works.  Time does heal things and it was not about hurt and pain, just loss and emptiness.  Why is letting go harder for some more than others.  I don’t want her back but I simply have missed her lately and I am not sure why those feelings came back more intensely these last few days more than in the last few months.

I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby, I could never steal you from another
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end

The verse made me sigh.  Reflecting on the past and how something so casual grew to become so complicated.  Though in truth I wanted her all to myself, she was something I could never steal.  If I did she would never be mine regardless.   In the end, it is a real shame our friendship had to end.

Honey, I know, I know
I know times are changing
It’s time we all reach out
For something new, that means you too

Things always change with time and we are better for what we experienced.  Sometimes I want her to reach out to me again, but I tell myself it is better she not.  It is time for something new.  I can hear her saying that, and adding it does not include you.

You say you want a leader
But you can’t seem to make up your mind
I think you better close it
And let me guide you to the purple rain

Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Sitting on the fence is the toughest position to be in, I simply wanted to lead her into that purple rain and watch her smile.  If only for a while longer.

Purple rain, purple rain
I only want to see you
Only want to see you
In the purple rain



lyrics by Prince

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I bet you didn’t because you have such a dirty mind and I like it.






Anne Magill 1962 - British painter - Never Let Me Go - Tutt'Art@ (33)


I can sense it in the falling dark.

I can taste it on the August breeze.

I can hear it in the cry of gulls.

I can smell it in the burned out days.

I can see it in my silent reflection.

I can feel it shivering against my skin.

I can touch it as it comes up close.

Everything is changing.

Nothing will ever

be the same.



© the author writing as Romantic Dominant

Art by Anne Magill

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